After having a beautiful tiny baby girl in May of 2005, we decided to have another baby. I had a pretty normal pregnancy. A few little scares here and there but nothing too serious. We decided not to find out the sex of our baby. We wanted it to be a surprise just like our daughter was. We were scheduled to have a c-section delivery on Friday, April 20,2007.
On Tuesday, April 17,2007, after not feeling the baby move for a couple of days, I went to the hospital. I knew something was wrong with our baby. I was immediately hooked up to an ultrasound machine. Although the nurse could not give me any information at the time, the calm I heard and saw on the screen was all I needed to know what was going on. Our babies heart had stopped beating.
Dakota Everett was born still that Tuesday evening. That day, and the following four days in the hospital were the most challenging days of my life. While I tried to recover from the c-section, I had to make decisions about seeing my son, having an autopsy done, having a funeral, and so many other things. I was surrounded by amazing people who loved me yet I had never felt more alone. I question every decision I was forced to make and had no one and nothing that could help me with the process. We buried our little Dakota on April 27, 2007.
My husband and I decided fairly quickly that we wanted to have more children. I sought out specialists and met a great doctor, with all of my hospital records in tow. We started trying for another baby as soon as our doctor gave us the green light. We got pregnant soon after. We welcomed a healthy baby boy into our family in December of 2008.
As excited as I was to have this new addition to my family, I couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied. I had these two healthy children but in my heart I knew I was suppose to have three. I soon realized that it wouldn’t matter if I had 12 children, I would still yearn for my Dakota. The small piece of my heart that has been missing since April 2007 will never be filled.
Now, I fight my yearning with a determination to help others who are dealing with similar situations. We got involved with the March of Dimes and the March for Babies event right away in Dakotas memory. With the help of family and friends, we have raised lots of money and awareness about babies in Dakota’s memory.
We are finally ready to begin a more personal adventure. I am in the beginning stages of starting a pregnancy loss support and resources non profit organization. My hopes are to stay involved with the March of Dimes while getting involved with other organizations and helping those suffering pregnancy loss, all in the name of babies.
I am eternally grateful for all the love and support I have received. I have been blessed with amazing people in my life.